Pinko

I think money sucks.

It feels like everytime I stand the chance of recovering a little ground--being able to do the really extravagant things like dropping off my laundry or buying a new pair of shoes then along comes something else to mess it all up.

I'm very lucky to get health benefits this year.

They are REALLY EFFING EXPENSIVE!!! And I'm only paying for a small percent of them. Not to mention that assuming I want to use these benefits for anything other than being hit by a bus I have to pay my portion/deductible of that as well. I can't help but wonder if it's a scam... Like how much would I really spend at the doctor in a year if I didn't have insurance--but also wasn't avoiding the doctor because I didn't... Interesting study.

I suppose I am to feel better because I have been offered profit sharing this year as well. The catch to this is that we must make a profit... So assuming that the company is doing well--I just may make enough to cover what I'm paying for Health Care. It's a pretty jaded view of it, and I know that of course I should care what our profit is etc. I just feel like it's another responsibility and I've never responded well to the idea of "commission" which isn't exactly what this is--I'm just bitching and feeling like a victimized retail worker at the mall back in TN.

It probably is a really good deal, and I just don't get money and am acting like an ass.

And there is a 401K plan starting in 2007. I'm expected to put money in to this too. It just seems like all my 'perks' are things that I have to put money into!

Perhaps I'm venturing into the land that my parents always lived in... the 'good on paper' land. Perhaps I'll start looking as if I have my shit together because maybe by 2014 the money that I could have used to pay for drop off laundry could do twice as many loads. All I know is that there were several times during the discussion I thought--maybe I should quit and find a hippie commune.