Gluttony

Tonight I went to see the musical version of The Color Purple. I invited E. Why? Because of the title of this post! I live for it. If I can’t participate in scripted drama, then I may as well improv.

I invited him because I wanted to see him, and I wanted to have something to talk to him about. I am in such a strange place with him. I’m getting over him. I can feel it. Every time I see him, talk to him, I care less. It won’t be long before I can say ‘I love E,’ and it won’t mean a thing. At least it won’t mean any more than my saying, ‘I love string cheese.’ How can that not be heart-breaking? It is nonetheless the truth; on top of being the truth, it’s probably healthy. One can’t go around reenacting Carmen everyday.

It’s hard, because if there’s one thing that I love about me, it’s my passion. It’s not that I’m becoming passionless, but without a focus, it does seem to dissipate, and I miss it. I miss it more than I’ll ever miss who E is. I miss my passion-object. I miss my object. I miss having a person in my life that I think of as an object. Lord, I need me some therapy because I meant that last sentence more than anything.

By the by, the Color Purple is not good. It made me want to see the movie, and all those Broadway actors using their talents in a better show.