Cusp This!

Monday, February 13, 2006

Again

E sent me an IM last night when I was out getting drunk with friends. It spurred me to write this letter that I think I shouldn't send and yet really want to:

Dear E,

I’m going to be very presumptive in this letter. If I am wrong, please forgive me.


I assume that our recent contact has been because you would like to rekindle our friendship. If that is what you are interested in it is important to address some issues. I was very mad at you for a long time. The last time we were trying to be friends you were lying to me. I asked you point blank when I was coming to your play if you had a girlfriend and you said no. Then you finally broke the news to me in the most inappropriate way possible—you didn’t fuck CH because you were dating someone?!?! At any rate, I am sorry to hear that your relationship ended (from someone else—as I also found out from someone else after the fact that you were dating someone the night of your play when you shamelessly flirted with me).

I was very angry at you the night you saw me drunk at the Christmas party. I was more angry when you called me after. The one time I didn’t take the high road, and told you to fuck off, you called me and (it seemed to me) asked for an apology. I think I was the one who deserved an apology, since I was infinitely more humiliated by the months of our less than honest friendship than you were by me being belligerent for at most 20 minutes.

You were a poor friend to me, E. Towards the end of our relationship you weren’t a great boyfriend either. This is of course, all in the past, and I would like to try to be friends again because I do care about you, and know all the good things about you too. If, however, you lie to me, or if you are only trying to reconnect because you broke up with your last girlfriend and want to feel better about yourself, let’s just stop right now. I hope this isn’t too harsh or bitchy, but it would be impossible to try to be friends if I didn’t get that off my chest. After you sent me that text message I had several bad dreams, and I realized it’s because I had never said any of this to you.


You wouldn't want to be friends with me after receiving that letter, right?

5 Comments:

  • If I was him and received that, I would be pretty upset at first, but would try and backstep to see if what I was doing to you was that bad. I don't think I would hold it against you because you were expressing your feelings.

    That said, I don't know if E is mature or not, and if he would react that way. If you don't want tell him in a letter, maybe you should talk it out with him, starting off by saying the good things you wrote in the last paragraph. Make it seem like yuo're not out to get him, but have to get some things off your chest before you become friends again. I've learned staqrting off with nicities and sweetness always helps. Good luck! :)

    By Blogger OutInLeftField, at 8:03 AM  

  • I don't think I'm going to send it. Let's see if he makes any more overtures. At least I have my little speech planned if I need it.

    By Blogger yb, at 9:00 AM  

  • The problem w/ men is that they don't care...they really don't. When we write letters or say things like this to men, we are making some effort at letting them know how much they hurt us. But they don't care. If they did, they wouldn't do these hurtful things in the first place.

    He plays pushy pulley with you. If I were you, I'd say, "fuck you," and walk away.

    You totally deserve better.

    By Blogger NewYorkMoments, at 5:04 AM  

  • Oh, NYM, you truth-teller. I know he doesn't care that I was hurt, and that I'm better off forgetting it entirely. And still I really want to say this stuff, so I just put all you through it to keep me from giving him the satisfaction

    By Blogger yb, at 7:30 AM  

  • This will make you feel better---make a voodoo doll that represents him. And then torture it.

    It feels good. We did it with a former boss.

    By Blogger NewYorkMoments, at 10:13 PM  

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