Cusp This!

Saturday, March 31, 2007

coming clean

So I wrote about something horrible that happened in a very cryptic way back in December. What happened was that I had sex with my boss's fiance. He had always flirted with me, though we rarely saw each other. Then one night after I had gone out drinking with the two of them and a friend of mine, he called me and said he had to see me. I told him to forget about it. He told me he was in a cab heading to my neighborhood. I told him to forget about it. He told me he was a block away. I told him to go to a bar and forget about it. Then I told him he could come up and he did. I set about to have a conversation with him where I explained how the shit had to stop. That he was marrying one of the best women in the world and that there was no reason in the world that he should be interested in me.

My reasoning however didn't work.

At some point in my argument, I gave up. I thought to myself: you need proof that this will be the biggest mistake of our lives? Well here you go. It lasted less than 5 minutes. I said no, but I did let it happen and the thought was in my head, I'll prove it to you.

He and I never spoke about it. We have never been alone together since.

On Friday, I told my boss.

It was just something I couldn't live with anymore. She had the right to know. It had to be her choice to keep me as an employee and/or keep him as her fiance. I realized how fucked-up it was to not allow her to make that decision.

For the moment, I still have my job.

I cannot believe that I did that--any of that, but I did.

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