Flying Pigs

I went to E's restaurant tonight to see my friend JH(m), who was working, and his boyfriend. E was there. I was warned this ahead of time. I said 'I don't care that much' and it was true. Of course I did panic a bit on the walk over but then I saw E and he gave me a hug. I hugged him back and it didn't feel like anything... But when JH(m) came over to me later and gave me a hug I felt a lot. Becuase I knew that JH(m) actually loved me and cared about me and was giving me a hug to be there for me. I was there for about an hour and a half at one point E came over and chatted for maybe 3 minutes. At no point in the evening did I die.

Walking home I was overcome by letting go. I had made up so much, had so much and it was gone gone gone, for a second I thought I had nothing--then I realized that in fact I was finally able to have anything. Poor E, I never really knew him, and it turns out, I never really wanted to...