Cusp This!

Saturday, December 16, 2006


Songs are like tatoos...

I love Joni Mitchell.

Today I took a promotion test to become a karate blue belt. I would be perfectly happy staying a white belt forever, but that's not how the system works. So in order to challenge myself and have the possibility of learning new things, I took this promotion examination.

It was so stressful. Not because I didn't know everything but because I made it mean so much. For whatever reason in my mind, it was extremely significant. I cried. I was so on edge about being right or appropriate or whatever that when I caught one of my main instuctor's eye and he mouthed "Relax" I got all teary.

It wasn't sobbing. It was silent weird crying for no reason. The kind that you would think would look like a movie but instead results in splotchy face and bloodshot eyes. All in all I would categorize it as extremely attractive. I have to wait until Friday to find out if I promote. It could go either way right now.

In other news, I'm not yet planning to move to NC. What happened was that last week I was in a sexual situation where I said no, and then something happened anyway. I wasn't hurt, I simply was not listened to. I have yet to define the significance this has in my own mind... In other words--if I choose not to be a victim is this a victimless crime? It was someone that I knew so I don't feel some moral obligation to protect future victims... I don't want to feel some moral obligation is what I really mean. I don't know if I do, should, or anything.

It's complicated. I wish I hadn't opened my big blog mouth about it, but I don't want any of you sweet strangers to feel concerned for me, so I wanted to clear up the mystery. I promise, I'm okay.


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