Cusp This!

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Dear Guys...

I'm writing to you, anonymous friends, rather than calling my parents.

I went out on what was to be a quintessential New York evening. Cocktails with high net-worth and beautiful girl-friends at a "hot" new spot. Expenses accounts. etc.

It started out luxurious. People I never thought I would know, and experiences I never thought I would have. And yet, walking home I thought, "fuck, we are all alone in the end." Damn Tolstoy and his forward-thinking. We are (I am) so lonely. So lonely.

I went to some bar in the hopes I could connect to a person I met at the pre-party. Turns out she's in love with the bar tender (who is seriously dating someone 13 years his junior) and just wanted a human (anyone really) to act as a smoke screen to her fascination.

So I did.

In doing so I touched into my deep need for a relationship (any kind) where someone 'gets me' and doesn't judge it.

It's a need that may go unmet.

However, I hope tonight I acknowledged (or at least started to...) that it is there


  • Loneliness does that to you sometimes. I've been guilty of using men to cover up my own loneliness. It sucks...but I still hold out hope it will get better.

    By Blogger K, at 9:41 AM  

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