clean feels dirty

I wonder if it wasn't better with me having a dirty little secret and someone I love being completely in the dark and never really knowing me. I wonder if it wasn't better my not really being able to be completely happy for a wedding. I want her to stay with him. I don't want there to be any confusion about my being some high moral being. It's a strange line to walk. I don't want to be some moral creature, but I don't want to lie for some 'greater good' because NOT being a moral creature who am I to say what a greater good would be. On the other hand, how does one just dump that kind of info on someone? The real question is how does one do what I did in the first place.