Other People's Business
I had a long weekend planned. Going down to DC for T's sister's wedding shower on Saturday, but I went ahead and took Friday off and a half day Thursday to travel down there. I was going to stay with St. Matthew Thursday night, take him and his fiance out to dinner and then spend all Friday with T's mom getting pedicures, having fun, etc. Then after the shower on Saturday spend time with my feminist best friend DW. Well, St. Matthew had to cancel because his fiance's aunt died of cancer in New Orleans, so they both left town. So I decided I would go down Friday early. Until Wednesday night T told me his mom might not go to the shower.
I called her on my way to work Thursday (which should have been a half day) and she said she had hurt her back (though she did let it slip that it had been hurting for at least a week). She said she would call me later with a decision.
Well, when she called around noon, she said she wasn't coming that she had called Tsis and asked if Tsis could pick her up at the airport Saturday morning. Tsis said no, because it's the day of her shower and she has other stuff to do. TMom took this as she wasn't wanted and made the sweeping 'I am going to miss my only daughter's only wedding shower*' decision.
This is when I got thoroughly entrenched in other people's business. I felt that Tmom's expected me to accept her decision or tell her it was okay. I refused to do either. In fact, I think I may have raised my voice.... "You wonder why you don't have a relationship with Tsis? I'd say it's because of exactly this. What do you want her to do beg? Of course it matters if you are there. You are her mother!" You have probably already realized that this did not go over well. Tmom got quite quiet and said she would call me later.
I raved to anyone who would listen: DW, my boss, T, and then called her back saying I was sorry if I seemed harsh, it just really mattered to me that she be there, and for fuck's sake I would pick her up at the airport if I had to rent a car to do it! She said she would get back to me.
I still don't know her plans.
I talked to T last night where he admitted that Tmom had seemed upset about me being such a bitch when the two of them talked. That's when I realized this is not my family, and it never will be, and I can't demand them to treat each other right, or love each other the way I think that love should work.
So, today on my fun day off to spend in DC with Tmom (who I really adore and have never had a tiff with in the decade I have known her) I am sitting in my apartment, and picking which bus to take to DC to have dinner with DW tonight.
It's situations like this that fill me with fear at the idea of ever being a mother.
*Tsis is 40 and this is her first marriage
I called her on my way to work Thursday (which should have been a half day) and she said she had hurt her back (though she did let it slip that it had been hurting for at least a week). She said she would call me later with a decision.
Well, when she called around noon, she said she wasn't coming that she had called Tsis and asked if Tsis could pick her up at the airport Saturday morning. Tsis said no, because it's the day of her shower and she has other stuff to do. TMom took this as she wasn't wanted and made the sweeping 'I am going to miss my only daughter's only wedding shower*' decision.
This is when I got thoroughly entrenched in other people's business. I felt that Tmom's expected me to accept her decision or tell her it was okay. I refused to do either. In fact, I think I may have raised my voice.... "You wonder why you don't have a relationship with Tsis? I'd say it's because of exactly this. What do you want her to do beg? Of course it matters if you are there. You are her mother!" You have probably already realized that this did not go over well. Tmom got quite quiet and said she would call me later.
I raved to anyone who would listen: DW, my boss, T, and then called her back saying I was sorry if I seemed harsh, it just really mattered to me that she be there, and for fuck's sake I would pick her up at the airport if I had to rent a car to do it! She said she would get back to me.
I still don't know her plans.
I talked to T last night where he admitted that Tmom had seemed upset about me being such a bitch when the two of them talked. That's when I realized this is not my family, and it never will be, and I can't demand them to treat each other right, or love each other the way I think that love should work.
So, today on my fun day off to spend in DC with Tmom (who I really adore and have never had a tiff with in the decade I have known her) I am sitting in my apartment, and picking which bus to take to DC to have dinner with DW tonight.
It's situations like this that fill me with fear at the idea of ever being a mother.
*Tsis is 40 and this is her first marriage
posted by yb at
8:57 AM
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