Cusp This!

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

7 days

So, I've gone from being totally self-satisfied to needing another fix. I haven't figured out how to negotiate the one-night stand life-style. Can I blame it on an addictive personality and say that, in Lay's-potato-chip-terms, "I can't have just one"? I wanna call the boy. To be more specific, I want to booty call him.

Why don't I? Because the 'Up for more great sex?' conversation, while forthright, doesn't seem right to me.

I'm extremely frustrated with these feelings. Is it that I don't know what I want, or is it that I don't want to admit what I want? I'm afraid it's the whole admitting thing. Damn it.

What there is to admit:

I enjoy good sex
I find sex with men to be the most desirable of my options for getting off
I don't need to love said male to get off

Is this so dangerous a revelation? Why on earth do I feel so conflicted about the idea of asking for a second round--or more precisely, a second evening?

There is also the fear that I'll want a third evening and then a one hundred and third evening and suddenly there will be a moment where I will feel compelled to stop objectifying this person as a means to getting off. When such a fateful day comes, the only thing left to call that objectified wonderful fuck a boyfriend or dump him and admit I'm a user.

Of course this last paragraph suggests that the male will not get wise and get over it long before I'm ready to take either step, and then I will feel rejected.

I feel like I'm looking down the barrel of E with more experience and awareness. In which case, the question is (to follow the analogy) would I do it again?

Would I do it again?

I'll give it til the weekend.


Post a Comment

<< Home