Cusp This!

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

well, fuck

As you may be able to tell from my title post, the interview didn’t go the way I was hoping. At least the money talk didn’t. It would be a job that I think I could like a lot, but it’s certainly not starring in an independent film, or a junior marketing assistant or anything like that. I think it’s a good job, but I do not think that it’s a dream job. And if it’s not a dream job, it’s hard to justify a lateral move. So, both of us are going to ‘think about it’ and talk tomorrow. She may be able to scrounge up more money, but certainly not equal to the money from the inside job, or they money being offered by the outside jobs either. Of course the outside jobs are based on the fluffing of my resume. It’s all very frustrating. I don’t know what to do, or how to feel.

The thing is, money is not that important to me. I don’t need a Burberry string bikini, but it sure would be nice to have a little more than I do. A raise that could make it feel that it’s not a burden to call the exterminator, that I don’t have to call my father to help me if an surprise expense greater than $200 comes up, or even better not work seven days a week just to still feel those first two sentiments! No wonder so many people wait tables in NYC.

It’s hard not to be frustrated with this current situation. Well, I still have my legs.

E called last night and I didn’t answer. Partly because I had just listened to my roommate and best friend bash him for a full 20 minutes, and NOT at my prompting. JA was just dying to get some of that stuff out. He called while I was walking JA to the theater. The message was the infamous and insanity-inducing, ‘hi, yb, this is E call me when you have a chance.’ I KNOW it’s YOU the phone just TOLD me that!!! He’s like a grandmother with that shit. I have not called him yet.

Tonight I have my voice-over class. The last one before JH dumps me to navigate the waters alone. Alone, alone, all all alone. Alone on a wide wide sea. Well, whatever, everything will work out someday.

My friend DW just sent this to me:
Thornton Wilder:
"The test of an adventure is when you're in the middle of it and you say, "Oh, now I've got myself into an awful mess; I wish I was sitting quietly at home." And the sign that something's wrong with you is when you sit quietly at home and wish."


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