Unicorn

So, last night, I attended a birthday party with CC. After a couple margaritas I broached the subject of my not-needing-to-be-in-a-relationship-right-now. I handled it well I thought. I explained that I’m very fresh from a bad relationship, that I liked him very much, but was not in a place to date anyone. I said all these things by saying, “I’m not available for sex.” Then explained how I liked him, was out of something complicated, and crazy, and wouldn’t treat him right all those things. That would have to be a deal-breaker, right? No.

After all that, it didn’t stick. He told me that the sex thing for him was a non-issue. If you can’t gather what that means from the title of the post, click here. Now I have absolutely no idea what to do. This boy is 23 and has lived in New York City for a year. He’s attractive, straight, and tall. What’s going on here? Who are these boys??? E had as many sex hang-ups as I had sex-fetishes and now the Enigma is the most enigmatic of all.

For a brief moment I felt wrong, like perhaps I shouldn’t have been having sex for the last decade with my very low number of partners. Then I realized someone tall, straight and male might have something wrong with him. And while he batted away my unwillingness to have sex with him as a non-issue, I thought: it is a huge issue. I like sex, and not being interested in having it with a dating partner is a deal-breaker for me. It was famously a deal-breaker in the case of E. Of course I didn’t say that at the time, because I’m crazy. So, now I have a little longer to ride this out.

On top of all this, I certainly cannot be his first. I can’t. I’ve done the pity-fuck thing before and I’m not going back; I’m too old for that kind of volunteer work. If I’m going be having sex, it will be for my pleasure. Period. And as the monumental absence of butterflies proves, I have no real feelings for CC other than friendly admiration. I will not do that him either.

Now all that said for the internet to see, how do I tell him all this again?