Cusp This!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005


So, last night, I attended a birthday party with CC. After a couple margaritas I broached the subject of my not-needing-to-be-in-a-relationship-right-now. I handled it well I thought. I explained that I’m very fresh from a bad relationship, that I liked him very much, but was not in a place to date anyone. I said all these things by saying, “I’m not available for sex.” Then explained how I liked him, was out of something complicated, and crazy, and wouldn’t treat him right all those things. That would have to be a deal-breaker, right? No.

After all that, it didn’t stick. He told me that the sex thing for him was a non-issue. If you can’t gather what that means from the title of the post, click here. Now I have absolutely no idea what to do. This boy is 23 and has lived in New York City for a year. He’s attractive, straight, and tall. What’s going on here? Who are these boys??? E had as many sex hang-ups as I had sex-fetishes and now the Enigma is the most enigmatic of all.

For a brief moment I felt wrong, like perhaps I shouldn’t have been having sex for the last decade with my very low number of partners. Then I realized someone tall, straight and male might have something wrong with him. And while he batted away my unwillingness to have sex with him as a non-issue, I thought: it is a huge issue. I like sex, and not being interested in having it with a dating partner is a deal-breaker for me. It was famously a deal-breaker in the case of E. Of course I didn’t say that at the time, because I’m crazy. So, now I have a little longer to ride this out.

On top of all this, I certainly cannot be his first. I can’t. I’ve done the pity-fuck thing before and I’m not going back; I’m too old for that kind of volunteer work. If I’m going be having sex, it will be for my pleasure. Period. And as the monumental absence of butterflies proves, I have no real feelings for CC other than friendly admiration. I will not do that him either.

Now all that said for the internet to see, how do I tell him all this again?


  • YB - It's simple, think of the show sex in the city. How would any of them handled it. It's like that sex buddy episode. If you think of it in terms of that, you should be fine.

    But definitely don't go the pity route. Because if you did, you wouldn't respect yourself in the morning.

    Good luck!

    By Blogger Neo, at 10:22 AM  

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    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:14 PM  

  • Why on earth do you have a teen-health link under a unicorn eating some poor woman's arm? B, the issues are inumerable now.

    By Blogger Raymie, at 6:35 PM  

  • Random blog surfer here....

    I think just be straight up with him. If he doesn't get the less-than-subtle hints that you've been giving him, then you have to be straight. Tell him that you've tried explaining it as much as you could, and you really can't be with him because you don't feel a spark. Tell him that you would like to be friends and that's all. See how that goes. Hope that helps....and good luck!

    By Blogger OutInLeftField, at 2:03 PM  

  • Oh Raymie, you always find a way to touch the bitch in me. And it feels so good. How's that for an issue?

    By Blogger yb, at 10:22 AM  

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