Cusp This!

Monday, October 03, 2005

Memory play

Happy Notice Day! My final day at lousy old job will be Oct 14th. Last year, October 14th was particularly memorable. It was the day I signed the papers to go permanent after temping since the middle of July. I called T to tell him. He told me to go ahead, that there was no issue. T and I had been in ‘relationship divorce’ proceedings since May, and for whatever reason, signing on as a real worker at lousy old job felt like the end. In my mind, it was a huge event and a finale for any possibility of T and I working out. Lousy old job was a line in the sand: I am committed to NYC even though you’ll never come here.

So, October 14th of 2004 I called T and cried. It was a very horrible day for me and I remember getting in my pajamas at 11pm just to sleep it away. I got a call from E at midnight and that was when our relationship really began.

E and I had been flirting for several weeks, but he had a girlfriend, so the safety was always on. I think that fact actually lead us to flirt more than if there had been an open possibility of us dating. I remember saying things in those flirty weeks like, “I will make him mine” and using a 1-10 number scale for how likely it was for us to sleep together. I was on the hunt. The night of the 14th (a Thursday) he called to invite me to a bar where he was meeting his roommate and other friends. I jumped out of bed, pt on something hot (but not too hot) and did my make-up.

I met him at the door to my building, as the restaurant where he was working was only a few blocks away. We got in a cab and headed to the West Village. It seemed to me something was different on that ride. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but the energy had gone from silly to dangerous, and all I knew was it was very exciting.

When we got to the bar I bought us shots so we could ‘catch-up’ with E’s friends who had been there awhile. We sat at a large table listening to whoever was playing on the open mic and chatting with the new people. After another drink or few, I leaned over the table and told E, “You are I are the same, I think. We are terrible flirts when the safety is on.” I smiled, he had been chatting with girls and I with the boys and we were both having fun. His reply was, “My girlfriend and I broke up.” I said, “You are coming home with me.”

There were other quips and other details throughout the night, but our fate had been sealed. When I got us a cab after last call, he didn’t object. It was hot and it only got better until it got worse. I still covet his body, and probably will for a lot longer. As for the non-sexual aspects of our relationship, they were a roller coaster. There was so much withholding (from both parties), so much fear, and also so much tenacity. It lasted 9 months after all. I miss the sex. Rumor has it he’s starting seeing someone else.


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