Cusp This!

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Home for Christmas

I missed the black out and now I’m missing the transit strike. I’m not sure if I should feel lucky or left out.

Things in TN hum along in their complex way. My mother told me yesterday that she thinks she’s ‘not long for this world’ because she has been experiencing shortness of breath. I started to freak out and then realized that about 10 years ago she was sure she was about to be confined to a wheelchair because of foot pain and 5 years ago assured me that my father was on the verge of losing his eyesight. I have to try to keep perspective in any conversation with my mother. This all came up when Dad told a hilarious story of her going carrot juice commando in some extreme health fit. She decided that she should drink carrot juice constantly for days and then suddenly ended up in the emergency room with horrible stomach cramps. She then undercut the whole thing (after he had left the room) by confiding she might die and it really wasn’t something to laugh about.

Whenever I wonder about why I’m drawn to the people I am in relationships, I look to my parents 27 year marriage that always makes me ask: “how on earth?”

On that front, T and I are spending the nights together, and having amazing sex. He is being emotionally distant though. It appears to be a cross between I am being punished and he is protecting himself. I am being punished because the last few years of us were harder on him than me. That is his opinion, but I am inclined to agree with it, as I was in new places meeting new people and pursuing my theater goals and he was in the same place doing the same thing and missing me (of course I missed him too). He is angry that I never compromised and moved to him, though he never did that for me either.

On the other hand I think part of his behavior is that he loves me and doesn’t want me to come waltzing home for the week and expect his undivided attention, only to disappear again leaving him in the position that made him angry in the first place. I understand better how he feels than ever before. I am still unsure how to fix it. He told me that he didn’t think that coming to Germany (or Bangladore) would be enough. That he wants to continue our we-love-each-other-but-are-not-together status until fate of whatever finds the solution. Yeah, looks like it’s almost time to fake a pregnancy. Just Kidding!!!!

That’s the news from the South-land, all my love to my walking NY buddies.

Also, I am stumped for what to get my father for Christmas. He’s the guy who buys everything he needs and doesn’t want anything that he doesn’t need. Therefore, to get him a gift he would appreciate, I must channel what he will need in the future now. Any tips?


  • OMG Dads are THE hardest to buy for! I just got my Dad a sweater...which I normally don't do...but they were having a 50% off thing at this store, so I could afford a Nautica one for him. Nice sweaters good, ugly Wal-Mart sweaters bad. Worst case scenario, get him a gift certificate. Or....does he like sports? You can get him tickets to a game of some sort. Why can't Dads be like Moms who are easy to buy for?

    By Blogger OutInLeftField, at 6:31 PM  

  • I went with The Daily Show: Indecision 2004. I'm still trying to improve him :o)

    By Blogger yb, at 11:40 AM  

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