Cusp This!

Thursday, September 01, 2005

It almost seems I have a life...

Well, I had a good night last night too. I went to my voice over class and feel good about bettering myself a little. JH called me the star of the VO class, which I actually don’t agree with, but then again the bar is quite low. As you already know, I had the KC talk yesterday and was disappointed with the salary. I called my father after work to tell him about the situation including my non-too-effusive interview within my own company. He sort of yelled at me about that.

Dad: Never say you can’t do something!
Me: I didn’t I said I could do it, I just said I didn’t know if I’d want to.
Dad: grumble, grumble, well that’s not good either
Me: Well, it’s over anyway and I can’t change it. I’m just sick of pretending like I care about things I don’t care about. It felt great to be honest.
Dad: grumble, grumble

He didn’t yell at me exactly. I just felt like I let him down, and that I couldn’t explain to him how I felt or why. I adore my father; I would like for him to be proud, but then again, I also went to college for acting so his pride is not exactly number 1 on my priority list.

So, I called DW to say that I was sick of the dishonesty in the whole interview process (which I have brought on myself with my fluffy resume) and the monetary value and haggling over people. I put it on her voice mail, and bought a button up shirt for today’s interview with some other company where I have to talk up my low to basic Power Point skills.

Walking home, I returned E’s call, direct to VM, “Hey, I’m returning your call” click. He called back shortly and I asked how his audition went. He went on to tell me what a productive day he’d had, all the praise from the audition followed by encouragement from his agent, blah, blah, blah. When he finally got around to asking about my day, I said ‘it wasn’t so great, and I don’t want to talk about it’ because he shouldn’t get that. He doesn’t deserve the trust insinuated by my crying on his shoulder. Then he wanted to make plans for us to see each other.

Dinner Saturday was decided since I’ll be out of town Sunday and Monday. I tried to put it off and he did the whiney, ‘no, let’s not put it off, because I want to see you and that’s all I’m going to say right now.’ <-- that’s edited for time and content because getting him to come out and say anything, let alone comprehend what I’m saying can take awhile.

So, now I get to obsess about what he may want to say. When I told MO, my resident relationship-expert/playa at work, he said not to go. If he says, ‘don’t you want to see me?’ you say ‘yeah, that’s why I went to San Francisco.’ Lord, I wish I could come up with this stuff!

After class, I talked my job issues out with JH, his boyfriend MC and AC who’s in town for a bit visiting. Finally, I decided on this letter that I sent to KC:

Dear KC,

I have thought about the position and my various possibilities all night. I am very excited about the prospect of joining your team and learning to be a rec. I think I will be good at it, and it will be an excellent opportunity, not only for me to use my ‘skill-set,’ but also continue to learn and be challenged. Really, what more could one ask of a job?

While my current offer within my co. is a significant raise, I do not think that I will be happy with it. While a monetary reward is always tempting, I also studied to be an actress, and believe absolutely in following one’s heart. My heart tells me that your co. is by far the best option for me. I get to work with two fabulous women I already know and respect, I get to be involved on the ground level with a company I believe in and has unlimited potential for growth, and get to do something I find exciting.

I look forward to hearing from you, and hearing your thoughts.



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