Cusp This!

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Universal Stuff

Last night, my friend DW called around midnight. She has been dating a boy BK who is an idiot. The affair actually strengthened our friendship immeasurably. We were both in long, drawn out, self-complicated relationships with idiots and had a lot to talk about over the past few months. Mostly we would encourage each other to break up with our respective idiots. DW’s idiot was a little more persistent than mine. She has been in break-up/this-isn’t-working talks with BK for months. When she was laid off from her job in Atlanta, she took the opportunity to get the hell out of Dodge and away from BK. Then, last night, he took the opportunity to be the one to instigate the break-up/this-isn’t working-talk.

She called me very upset; she felt betrayed and double-crossed by him telling her what she had said all along. She broke up with him, but it felt like he was breaking up with her, and she hates him for it. She’s also mad at herself for giving him to power to make her feel that way. I reminded, her, ‘DW, you moved. You not only broke up with him, you left him.’ But rejection sucks no matter who pulls the trigger. If we all had our way, we would have an endless string of exes crawling along behind us twisting in the throws of unrequited love. Well, at least that’s what DW and I and half my girlfriends would want. The image of it gives me content already.

DW asked me for advice on writing a ‘fuck you’ letter to Brad, and while I spent some time explaining to her that often silence was the best weapon, I couldn’t resist the bait. I like to consider myself a connoisseur of the fuck you letter. These were my tips:

Keep it short
This gives target less to respond to, and less to misinterpret
Cite examples (aka evidence)
This will put the target in a ‘memory place’ making them more emotional/vulnerable.
Adopt target’s tone
This technique is your best shot of inciting shame or regret. Since these are emotions that require self-awareness, the more you sound like a voice in his head the more self-awareness can be created <-- this is an advanced technique and should be used subtly and sparingly.

Go forth. Go forth and write!


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