It's my BIRTHDAY!!

For those of you keeping tabs on my anonymity--I am a Scorpio (phase one--which means we are more friendly than the average Scorpio), and I was born in the Year of the Sheep in the Chinese Zodiac. This day puts me into my late 20s.

Seconds

I spent last night in Queens with my August one-night stand...

He's so much fun to talk to.

The other stuff was pretty fun too.

Raisin’ the roof!

My credit limit was raised today, effective immediately. 'Dear, yb, by not carrying a massive credit card debt, we’ve been engineering ways to make sure that you start to! Congratulations, why don’t you write yourself a check made out to CASH for the entire NEW limit of your credit card? Why not??'

It reminded me of when I was 15 and hanging out with the very wrong crowd in hometown Tennessee one of the boys from the group received a pre-approved credit card in the mail—the kind that are now illegal. He decided to spend the entire limit (which I believe was $2,000) on a gun. He bought something big and scary. He was 18—had been held back or something but was a senior and I was a freshman. He was the creepiest of the group of bad boys, and I only tolerated him because I had a crush on the moody rebel that was also an actor. If it had been a post-Columbine world, I probably would have been as worried about this event as I should have been.

I remember being shocked that he spent money on a credit card, as I had an innate sense from my father that such a thing was pure evil. The idea of buying a gun just seemed absurd. Who cares about guns anyway?

A few months later (this was after I had been arrested for shop-lifting sunglasses and my parents grounded me for 3 months effectively crushing my membership in the bad crowd), the gun-boy was in a serious car accident. He was okay, but he couldn’t work and the hospital bills were are burden to his parents. When they found out about paying off some credit card for a gun that their son had bought on top of everything else, they were devastated.

I remember being so grateful for my parents for being so right, about the crowd, about credit cards, about everything. That was the last time I really tired to be bad-girl. Stripping for a few months in college was more about my confused feminism than my need to be a bad-girl.

weekend of parents and some answers

So my parents were in town this weekend. It was exhausting--and wonderful--and tense--and warm. The weekend was great. My parents are after all still my parents. They didn't morph into different people from being in New York City for 5 days.

I asked them my leadership interview questions which were (to recap) 1. what are my strengths 2. what are my weaknesses 3. what is something that everyone knows about me 4. what can you count on me for 5. what can you never count on me for.

It actually took a lot of courage to ask them this. Here are a few of their answers.

what are my strengths: reliable, kind, 'reasonably well focused' (that one was dad), intelligent and caring--'a potentially profound mind' (that was my mom)

what are my weaknesses: I sleep late, I am not driven (enough), I never push myself to the edge, I am content with being comfortable, I do not go beyond what is expected of me

what is something that everyone knows about me: I am a sweet, good girl

what can you count on me for: to do what I say I am going to do.

what can you never count on my for: to wake up earlier than absolutely necessary.

It was tough to ask my parents this because they were dead on--I am reliable and nice, and I will never demand more of myself than I know I can accomplish--and I also think that I can accomplish the bare minimum. I have never set a standard for myself that I haven't met--but I've also never expected anything extraordinary of myself.

Since I'm on the topic of these questions, tonight I asked my best friend. She said

what are my strengths: I am funny, smart, and supportive

what are my weaknesses: I can be very passive-aggressive

what is something that everyone knows about me: I'm really fun when I get wasted

what is something that you can always count on me for: to listen and tell the truth

what is something that you can never count on me for: to want to get drunk at the same time she wants to get drunk

So upon having these conversations, my mom wants me to become a writer and my best friend wants me to be in an upcoming production of Romeo and Juliet.

I just want to sleep in!

Parents!

My parents arrived this morning to stay through the weekend. Dad is sick and asleep already. Mom and I went out and walking home she told me that dad has a stomach virus and that he is particularly susceptible to stomach viruses because one time when I was 2 he took a business trip to Jordan and they had a roast goat and because he was the guest of honor he was expected to eat the goat's eyeball (apparently a delicacy). Long story short he got really sick and nearly died and it was almost undiagnosed because it's rare for Americans to get the disease common to ingesting goat eyeballs.

I seriously learn something new every time I see my parents.

Pinko

I think money sucks.

It feels like everytime I stand the chance of recovering a little ground--being able to do the really extravagant things like dropping off my laundry or buying a new pair of shoes then along comes something else to mess it all up.

I'm very lucky to get health benefits this year.

They are REALLY EFFING EXPENSIVE!!! And I'm only paying for a small percent of them. Not to mention that assuming I want to use these benefits for anything other than being hit by a bus I have to pay my portion/deductible of that as well. I can't help but wonder if it's a scam... Like how much would I really spend at the doctor in a year if I didn't have insurance--but also wasn't avoiding the doctor because I didn't... Interesting study.

I suppose I am to feel better because I have been offered profit sharing this year as well. The catch to this is that we must make a profit... So assuming that the company is doing well--I just may make enough to cover what I'm paying for Health Care. It's a pretty jaded view of it, and I know that of course I should care what our profit is etc. I just feel like it's another responsibility and I've never responded well to the idea of "commission" which isn't exactly what this is--I'm just bitching and feeling like a victimized retail worker at the mall back in TN.

It probably is a really good deal, and I just don't get money and am acting like an ass.

And there is a 401K plan starting in 2007. I'm expected to put money in to this too. It just seems like all my 'perks' are things that I have to put money into!

Perhaps I'm venturing into the land that my parents always lived in... the 'good on paper' land. Perhaps I'll start looking as if I have my shit together because maybe by 2014 the money that I could have used to pay for drop off laundry could do twice as many loads. All I know is that there were several times during the discussion I thought--maybe I should quit and find a hippie commune.

365

Today is my 365th day in my job. I have an annual review and tomorrow will be my one year anniversary with my title.... Pretty crazy.

I have so much going on. My parents come in Wednesday and the next few weeks are planned through my birthday then it's November when I'll be taking on yet another (huge) project and it's pretty much a mad dash from here (9:20 on a Monday morning) til the end of 2006.

But you know what I really need? In between 60 hour work weeks and karate classes and volunteering and personal projects? A boyfriend.

In other words, the only thing left that I have time for in my busy schedule is sex.

so much

I got so much done this week that I'm not going to feel guilty about going to bed at 10:30 on a Friday night. Not guilty at all.

the works

I have a big alumni project in the works with folks from my college. Phase one is happening Thursday night. I will update you.

Also at work I had to let someone go today. It was sad. She said all the right things, but did all the wrong things. I don't feel it was unjust, but I just don't know a PC way to say "I'm so sorry you didn't do a better job, I know you could have..."

Last bit of news, I'm having a rocking feminist weekend, two of my best and wonderfully politically active girlfriends will be in town. I am really excited about it.

That's it so far. For my leadership class I have to 'interview' people. It's basically where I ask them what they think of me. I think it sorta sounds really self-important. "What do you think of me?" but the purpose is to learn how we are viewed in our community...

Would anyone in the blogging community like to share what they think of me? You could email me at cusper2(at)yahoo.com and tell me:

1) what are my strengths
2) what are my weaknesses
3) what does everybody know about me
4) what can you count on me for
5) what can you never count on me for
6) anything you want to say on the subject of me

ME!!!! ME!!! ME!! ME! ME

My weekend:

One Nephew Age 10
One Nephew Age 7
One Neice Age 5

Apple Picking

Yankee's eliminated from the series and no suitable place to get hammered.

drunk Blogging

Should drunk blogging be akin to drunk driving? I hate myself for doing it, and yet I feel like I'm a better driver.... (I feel like I really tell you what is honestly on my mind when I am fucking hammered).

Yet again I am home alone. I got drunk and hung out with my boss and her significant other. All my drinks and the meal I didn't eat were paid for. All my companion's drinks and meal he ate enthusiastically were paid for.

And here I am blogging. Now, I know that j.o.e. is my friend, and I'm not really all that interested in sleeping with j.o.e. However, I would appreciate someone reminding me that I am desirable. This person doesn't have to be who I am buying drinks for, but still....... I know that I sound like a sexist pig, but I'm drunk, so... well, I'm driving with a lot of concentration right now....

Fuck.

I make no effort and I feel fine, but when I dress up in a hot cocktail number and men act like everything's fine, I'm not fine. Can someone (other than Naomi Wolf) de-mystify my thinking on this??? We should be further...

I'm going to go to bed now, and if I have trouble passing out (unlikely), I will read a historical fiction book and wonder how Eleanor of Acquiatine was more liberated than I am......

Quote

"The world owes me nothing
We owe each other the world"

-Ani DiFranco

I love her!!!

November

In November, I will be running the company I work at. I will be running the day to day stuff. It is the next step of my on-going promotion. The only down-side is that when running the company for the month I will not be able to come in at 10 like my boss does now.

It really is a total downside. Honestly though, I never like getting up. I can sleep in the weekend till I can't sleep anymore and will still be upset about having to actually get up because I have to pee. I guess my point is that I would be just as pissed off about waking up if I had to wake up at 6am or 8am.

Speaking of (sorta) I had a nightmare about terrorists last night. It's the first one I've ever had. I knew that a bomb was going to go off on a subway platform and was trying to get away and direct people but no one cared or was listening to me. I wonder what that means.... I had a dream about whale watching once and was told that meant emotional healing so this terrorist dream probably means that I have anxiety about money.

recap

got drunk
flirted with a boy
home by myself

who am I trying to kid at this point???
Please...
I either need to get a consistent lover or a realationship. Why is it that if I'm not being fucked I think I am undesirable?? Ugh.

Silly, silly life.

Please call me Pumkin

You Are Pumpkin Pie

You're the perfect combo of uniqueness and qualityThose who like you are looking for something (someone!) special

At least someone (or some quiz generator) understands me.