Cusp This!

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

market value

The end of the lease draws near...

Isn't it interesting all the things you learn when you are forced to? I'm learning about lease assignments. I think I can't afford one.

Monday, May 29, 2006

bad dreams

My High School Friend did make it in this weekend and we had a lot of fun. They left this morning and I went back to bed and had a 3-hour nightmare. It basically boiled down to the conclusion that I would be a lonely unloved cat lady--sans cats due to my own allergies. And the sex and the city girls were there and a blog (a video blog) was prominently featured. I think the worst part was that T and E's new girlfriend were best friends. Awful stuff.

I really don't know what I'm doing in my life. I think the real reason I got so upset at my co-worker is that I'm jealous of the action she's taking. Disastrous or not, she's doing something.

Friday, May 26, 2006


I'm trying not to get fed up but I am extremely frustrated with my current co-worker. She has been really wishy washy about leaving the job, which seems to be what she wants to do. We are currently in a transition period where she's working a few days a week, and when she does, she bitches about everything and then once she has gotten over herself, will proceed to dive into work that I have been doing. I should appreciate her help on the loads of work that I'm doing, but I just feel like I'm being stepped on and resentful. I just need someone to hear me complain!
To top it all off, my dear high-school friend who was supposed to come visit me this weekend, and I've bought Yankee tickets rearranged my life for it, is refusing to commit. I got a text yesterday saying she may not be able to afford it. And then today she said she won't know until 6 tonight when she was supposed to get in tomorrow at noon.

Poor poor me. Ugh.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006


On 8th Ave and 42nd street. Girl on cell phone:

"You know what happens when you assume? I stab you"

It was amazing.

Monday, May 22, 2006


I got invited to a party where E will probably be. I think I can't make it because I will have friends in town. Well, I'm using the friends in town excuse to definitely not go. While I have made huge leaps and strides with dealing with the relationship we had, I'm coping out on dealing with him. Here I am protecting myself from reality again when reality is not half so bad as I imagine. Really what's the worst that could happen, I get upset and feel threatened, embarrassed, or dumb. If that happens then I just stop feeling that way. I take a deep breath and stop taking myself so seriously. I can do it... It would be nice to see some of the other people who will be there...

On the other hand, I will have friends in town. Surely they won't want to go to Queens.

Sunday, May 21, 2006


I saw the trailer for An Inconvient Truth this weekend. It opens here on Thursday....

Click here to watch the trailer.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

double dare

I may have the wee littlest bit of hope to stay in this apartment. I'm not sure which is the better card to play a) gosh, you are so nice and generous and there will never be a problem with me you can count on it or b) I will pay you your security deposit--and you will never see it from these landlords.

stay tuned, the answer is MONTHS away!

Wednesday, May 17, 2006


I saw the Caine mutiny Court Marshall tonight. David Schwimmer is in it, and it's closing Sunday. Seems a shame--I thought it was very good. It got annihilated in the Times, but I thought was a very honest and interesting production. I did see it a few performances from closing though, so chances are the actors were really getting the most out of it.

Tomorrow I'm seeing another play.

Yay, theater!

Work was mildly stressful. I'm beginning to step into my new position and surprise surprise I'm not immediately perfect at it. Shocking, right? I will just muddle through I guess.

T had an phone interview with a very large computer company today, they are flying him to Seattle for another one. We'll see what happens, I have my fingers crossed there will be an opening in the New York office. Sometimes you just have to let the universe help out, right?

Tuesday, May 16, 2006


So, the class I took that has helped me get over and get on with myself has a weekly check up. Last night was my first check up. It was fine. We were assigned groups. It's very reminiscent of groups in social studies where you each reported on a certain battle of the civil war. I feel resigned to my group though I would much rather be in a cooler/more popular group.

I was an RA in college and during the selection process we had a program day where we were divided into groups and everyone said I was good at dealing with difficult group members. I am still annoyed by it, but I guess it's good practice for when I run for governor... Speaking of, I can't stand Bill Frist. I need to get a TN absentee ballot now to get him out of office.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Happy Mother's Day

The Hummer H1 is being discontinued!

There's a rumor Karl Rove might resign!

You can still join or donate to my AIDS walk team!

all in all a pretty good day. :o)

Saturday, May 13, 2006


I went to see 'Columbinus' tonight at the New York Theater Workshop. It was not great. It was not the kind of play that you leave the theater talking about and that I think is the failure. The first half of the play is meant to examine the world of 'any high school' where the kids are stereotypes including two 'loser' stereotype boys who in the second half are Eric and Dylan and the any school is Columbine. It leaves you thinking about neither the universality of high school nor the factual events of the Columbine shooting. All the actors were good but I think the script was poor and definitely below the caliber of the NYTW where the best play I've ever seen, 'Spirit,' was done earlier this season.

I once made the argument that Comedy is made up of characters who are fixed in their ways and the play ends when one or all of them make a change. To follow that argument, Tragedy is made up of characters who are malleable and ends when one or all of those characters make a decision. (Think Much Ado About Nothing v. Hamlet). What was lacking in Columbinus was the malleablity of the characters. There was never a moment when they might not have done it, and therefore it was a horror but not a tragedy. That's my summation.

Friday, May 12, 2006


Well, the person sleeping on my couch voted for Bush in the last election. When asked his reasons he said that Kerry wasn't a good option and that "you don't change leaders in a time of war" that he didn't like Edwards and he liked Bush's cabinent. I would like for him to suffer immeasurably. When asked if he liked Cheney he responded that he liked Condi.

I only wish I had had this part of John Kerry's speech on the Nuclear option memorized:

"Our Founding Fathers would shudder to see how easily forces outside the mainstream now seem to effortlessly push some Senate leaders toward conduct the American people don't want from their elected leaders: Abusing power. Inserting the government into our private lives. Injecting religion into debates about public policy. Jumping through hoops to ingratiate themselves to their party’s base, while step by step, day by day, real problems that keep American families up at night fall by the wayside here in Washington.

Congress, Washington, and our democracy itself are being tested. We each have to ask ourselves, will we let this continue? To those in this chamber who have reservations about the choices their leadership has made, and who worry about the possible repercussions on our Constitution and democracy, look at history and find the courage to do what’s right. History has always remembered those who are courageous, and will remember the courageous few who lived up to their responsibility and spoke truth to power when the Senate was tested – so that power did not go unchecked.

The Senate and the country need Senators of courage who are prepared to make their mark on history by standing with past profiles in courage, and defending not party, not partisanship, but defending principle and democracy itself. "

I hope you are all registered to vote in the upcoming elections.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Ups and Downs

It's not always easy being yb 2.0--I mean, it's been like 3 days.

Today someone said 'nice tits' to me as he passed by on the sidewalk. There was a slight pause where I considered ignoring the compliment, but then turned around, the guy was looking over his shoulder as he walked away to see my reaction. I said 'nice balls, fucker.' I probably shouldn't have given him the satisfaction, but in the moment I just decided to be generous with my come back. Now I just need to be creative with my come backs...

I registered for the AIDS walk today where I feel it will be less likely that my tits will be commented upon. If you are interested in walking with me or donating towards my group or finding out my true identity by doing either of the first two things, shoot me an email at

Tomorrow I'm going to see the next crop of actors from my college be released back into the wild. There is an alumni run-through of the showcase they will perform before agents, casting directors and those agents and casting directors' interns. It will be the first one I have attended since performing in mine 4 years ago...

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

heads up

I wasn't kidding in my last post. I called E, I apologized. We are speaking. I am not mad at him. I'm no longer calling him stupid E.

I called T. I apologized. I told him that even though I am not moving to Germany, I am still in love with him. It was pretty great.

That's so far. Don't know what the next step is but that's okay.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

yb 2.0

This weekend I realized that I am a selfish person. I have been controlling people with my demands for love and attention. I ask for 'perfect' love, and anything less than that I invalidate and destroy. I am passionate to the point of destruction. I called E and told him (we are still playing phone tag). I emailed T and told him (he hasn't been able to get in touch with me). I did get in touch with my mother and my college fling (read: boyfriend I was very mean to).

So far so good.

I am creating myself as a generous, unconditionally loving person. I have had conditions on my love for far too long. It stops now. Anything can happen. I will keep you updated.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

lil' revelations

So, I just sounded like a genius because I suggested that my co-worker keep her out of office auto-reply on only when she's out of the office, cause it's annoying and people will disregard it like the boy who cried wolf.

Isn't it weird when you suggest something abundently obvious and no one else had thought of it?

I'm totally getting an MBA.

~about ten minutes after writing this I totally buttoned my shirt wrong.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006


Well, charms have been thwarted. I am freaking out about finding a place to live. I'm actually fighting tears. I don't want to try to find an apartment! Maybe I can start teaching special ed and get a housing subsidy--or look into those apartments on Craigslist where you only pay $200 but live with a dirty old man and are encouraged to wear very little when lounging around the apartment. It is not fair that something that shouldn't matter can be so stressful. It is not fair.

Monday, May 01, 2006

stop underage drinking

This is a picture of my 4-year old neice looking very very drunk. I'm pretty sure she's not, and that's why it's funny.